I am an adult now. It’s like real life. I have student loans and other bills to pay each month, groceries to buy, meetings and conference calls to attend to- all real! haha And the best part about is without homework I can go out dancing all the time and don’t have to worry about doing so! It’s fantastic! =P

The boyfriend I had last post? gone. there is a lot more to be said but I rather not go into details. Let’s just say I lost a good friend but sometimes people just have to go in separate directions.

As far as other boys go, there was a guy I hung out once in september who turned out to be a pathological lier and a crystal meth addict. Ya… Another guy I was talking to for a while and I thought there was potential but after winter break I finally realized that I just didn’t have a spark with him. There is a boy  that im currently crushing on but I have some doubts if it will work out but I’m being patient!

On another note, I’m a senior in college. =( Yes that is a sad face, I don’t wanna graduate at all! I’m happy with my lifestyle, having my meals prepared for me etc. I think what also contributes to my bad feelings towards graduation is that I don’t really have a plan. I know I want to go to physician assistant school but I don’t really know how to get there. I’ve talked with multiple people about many options but there is no general consensus. I think I’ll just get a job doing some clinical research and then work part time as an EMT to gain clinical experience.

Finally, senior year has brought on a ton of changes. In terms of friends, i’ve made a ton since september mainly because my best friend and others I hung out have graduated.  Clubbing has become my new addiction too. I go out almost every Friday to a club with in walking distance of my place. I don’t go to look for guys (although I usually find one). I go to dance. Music and dance has always been my way to release and dance floor has become my new home.

In other areas, I’m home from college and doing alright. The family is driving me nuts which leads me to count down the days til I go back to Beantown. Thankfully I still have some friends here as well as some gay romance novels to get me through the days. I also have surgery scheduled for next Wednesday to have a lymph node in my neck removed. I’m not too too nervous about the surgery because its a simple out patient procedure. However, it is my first surgery so I will have to see how I handle everything.  Well it’s time for Dick Clark’s Rocking New Year’s Eve!

Happy New Year Everyone!!! =D

In other news, I promised I wouldn’t mention too much about the boyfriend but I will say that things are good. My only concern is that we’ve been dating for a little over a month and Christmas break is upon us. Four weeks of not being able to see each other. Ah! I am trying to plan a visit up here but I don’t know if it will happen. See my fear comes from the fact that my last and only boyfriend and I dated for about two months and saw each other everyday. Break came and about three days after we were back he broke up with me. =( With my current bf I only see about once or twice a week, so it shouldn’t be as bad; I’m still a little nervous tho. Do u guys have any ideas on how to keep a new relationship alive for break of this long?

Much Love!

But I’m here now and I have a boyfriend! =) I’m not going say anymore about him on here other than he’s pretty much amazing and we’ve been together for about a month.

The main stress lately in my life has come from my lack of decision making ability. I had to chose between doing an activity that I love and giving up friends, grades and going to particular events that I look forward to. I also had lost my ability to fund the activity that I loved. Thus the choice was made for me that I had to not take part in it and focus on school. I know it is probably the better decision but it still hurts now.

On top of making choices, I have had a lump in my neck since I had mono in June. When I had the mono the lymph node was the size of an easter egg and was clearly visible. People walking past me would stare. The doctors told me that it would be gone by august. Well it was September and it shrunk but was still a decent size, although not visible anymore.  I went to Boston Medical Center where they drew several tubes of blood and ordered a CAT scan of my neck. The scan revealed that I had a lump where I felt it and on the other side there was a smaller one that couldn’t be felt. When I recieved those results I also mentioned that I found two lumps in my groin region kinda half way between my hip bone and my actual dick. The doctor told me that results didn’t raise any concerns but I should have the lumps felt to determine if they were a hernia or lymph nodes.

Well I went to student health where they told me that the lumps where indeed lymph nodes. I also told them that I recently also had a rash on my hands. This lead them to think that I had HIV so I was tested. The results came back negative THANK GOD!  I made an appointment with the ENT(ear, nose & throat) doctor that I saw before. This time he asked me what I wanted to do: a needle biopsy (20% error) or have it removed for a full biopsy (hardly any error). Of course I didn’t know what I should do so I asked him if finding the new lymph nodes worried him. He said ” Well I am concerned, very concerned that you have something called lymphoma. Although you don’t show any of the typical signs such as night sweats or fevers.” So I decided to have a needle biopsy that day (I’ll get the results in two weeks) and to have it removed in surgery over Christmas break because recovery is about a week. Personally, I’m not too scared, just wanna know what this is so I can move on or fight it if I need to.

Today I was able to cross off one item on my list of “things to do in Boston during the summer.” Scott and I took a ferry to the Boston Harbor Islands. Our plans were to go to the beach but when we got to the Island we realized that the shore of the island was covered with rocks. It turned out to be fine though because we walked around the island and explore a fort that took up the majority of the island.  Finally we found a spot to set out a blanket and tan! I was so glad to rip off my shirt and take some sun in! We had a good time but I now see that Scott and I would never work. We just don’t connect – we hardly talked the entire time. Oh well at least I got something that I’ve been waiting to do, done!

I am please to announce that I now feel 100% better from the mono. I did end up going back for another follow up where they told me I tested positive for strep throat on top of the mono. Due to the fact that I had strep over last Thanksgiving too, they put me on an extra high dose of penicillin. I abhor penicillin! The smell is just awful and because I am taking so much of it, when I urinate I can smell it again! Thankfully I only have a few days left of the four times a day medication.

In the boy situation…Scott and I hung out again. I thought things were going very well between us and that all he needed was some time. However, we talked again and he said that he really wants to just be friends now. He can see us getting into a relationship later on but really wants to stop all the cuddling, and taking each other out until we know each other very well. I wasn’t too upset by this decision because A) I have another guy friend, which I’ve definitely mentioned I’m in need of B) its not a complete no. Don’t get me wrong- there is no way in hell that I am waiting around. I did that this past fall with Elliot and was crushed. My big feeling on coming out of all of this is that I’m over guys. They aren’t worth my time right now. I am going to stop worrying about how I’m not in a relationship and start enjoying the single life.

Outside of my illness this week was the last week of semester one for the summer. I had my Nutrition final today which meant that I now can say “No more school!!!” I do still have EMT classes but they are easy. I had our third EMT exam this past week and didn’t study because I was ill; I still received an A.

In the boy situation… Scott came back from his trip home. I picked him up from the airport and brought him flowers. He gave me a postcard along with a shot glass ;-). On the back of the postcard was a note about how he was really glad that we met and have become good friends. We hung out this past weekend by going to see the drum corps I was in last summer, followed by an excellent dinner. Scott and I went back to my place to watch a movie but I started to get a fever from the mono. He layed in bed with me and held me. Basically he took care of me; bringing me a wet towel for my forehead and some OJ. Later in the week as the mono progressed he brought me breakfast. He even remembered that my favorite tea is Earl Grey! Everything has just been going really well. We are taking it super slow to make sure we both are comfortable with each other.  I’m soo excited for whats to come!

On Monday, my headache was gone, although I noticed that the muscles for my eye were really sore. Like I looked far in one direction (like trying to look over my shoulder it hurt). I also had just a slight sensitivity to light in the morning. At dinner I got itchy hands again and the rash; I also realized that its only the muscles in my left eye that are sore. Today, same thing, muscles in my left eye are sore when I look to the sides, al-thought slightly less pain. I also got the itchy hands at both lunch and dinner.  At first I thought it was allergies but now I don’t know. I think if the eye pain doesn’t get a little better tomorrow I’m going to student health.

On a more positive note, those exciting things… First, Apple had it’s keynote announcing that the new software was coming out next Wednesday and the new phone would be released next Friday. Second, this weekend is PRIDE!!! I’m so excited as it is my first adult pride!  A friend of mine is spending the night on Saturday too, so that should be interesting! Third, Scott and I have been talking everyday while he’s been away.  He’s coming back on Wednesday, and I can’t wait to see him. Things are really clicking so hopefully something good comes from it. I’m just so scared to get my heart broken again that its hard for me to like trust him. Idk we will see what happens! =)

In the boy situation… (theres a lot),

-When I first came back to my place ( before I moved to summer housing) I had the room to myself. Now I hadn’t had sex in like a month and figured I would call a friend up.  …long story short- it happened, it sucked, i moved on

-Sean, a friend that I met online and we went to some dances here in Boston, texted me randomly asking if I wanted to hang out. Now I’ve always wanted to hang out with him but then found it hard to read his intentions. Well, he ended up coming into Boston one night. We took a walk and what not, then I realized that he wanted to hook up. At first I was hesitant but he was spending the night and is super cute! We ended up have amazing sex that was interrupted when my roommate walked in. We hid right away and ended up finishing in the bathroom later. I apologized to my roommate the next morning who said he didn’t know anything of it til I said something to him. BS! w/e if he was cool with then I’m cool with it.

-Two nights later I get a text from Cedric (search him if you want background info) asking how I was and that he wanted to catch up. Now Cedric and I were really good friend and then stuff happened. I thought maybe we would catch up again. So I went to his place to watch a movie and drink some tequila- bad life choice. We ended up fucking and well it was bad. He is very large, last time I didn’t feel it because I was more drunk I guess. This time it hurt- bad. I didn’t even get off in the end.

Finally, after all this mess I started talking to this new boy. Lets name him, Scot. We have gone on a few dates and things have been going well. We went out to coffee on and then went back to my place for a movie.  At the end of the movie, we made out a little and he kinda pushed things further. I asked “is this what you really want?” He said “ya, do you?” I said honestly no, I like you and don’t want to mess it up. He was like that’s okay. So we layed there and he was like you know, I’m glad you stopped me cause I like you too. He said that he thought I wanted it and that he was just thinking with his dick.  He ended up spending the night because it was too late to walk home. Nothing happened, we just fell asleep listening to music together. We’ve been talking everyday since then. It hasn’t been long conversations, which worries me, but as I write this we are having a conversation and I straight up asked him if he wanted more than sex. He was like “yes, I really do like you.” Well, I’m paranoid as hell because nothing ever tends to work out but oh well we will see. Oh btw hes going on vacation for two weeks… fml haha.